John and Janessa's Weblog

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Faith like a child

Since the time Delcia was two or so, she would be heard playing trains with her friends Captain Hook and Jesus. The other day she asked me, "mommy when is Jesus coming back to life, because I want to show him my tattoo?" (She had a Jack Sparrow temporary tattoo on that she was extremely proud of). I'm sure Jesus can't wait to see it!
She was watching an Avatar cartoon the other day while I was showering and getting ready. At the beginning of the show it says, "he was sent to save the world." Us being Christian, she had heard that before. She looked at me and said, "that's silly mommy, only Jesus can save the world." that comment blew me away! I'm amazed at the amount of faith she has. She is not consumed by the doubts and fears so many of us struggle with.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Losing Delcia

I was making dinner tonight and Delcia asked if she could go play outside.
"is this a play outside day, mommy?"
"Sure" I said.
Our backyard is completely fenced and I can see the whole thing from our kitchen window. It's pretty secluded and you can't easily access it without going through the house or garage. She plays out there all the time and I can see and hear her while I cook, do laundry or dishes.
After a few minutes I realized that I could not hear or see her. I went out there to check on her and couldn't find her anywhere. I called for her, then ran back inside to check the house- thinking maybe she had come in and I didn't notice. I ran through the house calling her name, throwing open closet doors and saying, "Delcia, answer mommy. Where are you?" she does like to hide sometimes. At this point I was really starting to panic, realizing that she was not in the house or backyard. All these thoughts are running through my head- she climbed into the hot tub and drowned, (there's a locked, heavy cover on it); or someone snatched her out of the backyard. I ran back into the backyard frantically calling her name. Then I see her squeeze back in through a small space between the fence and the shed- a space I thought only the cat could fit through.
She had been in the front yard by herself! Street! Strangers! Big scary world!
She knows she's in trouble, because she knows she is not supposed to be out front with out us. She is supposed to stay where we can see and hear her.
"Where were you and what were you doing?"
She doesn't answer. Then I feel bad, because she's scared, (even though she'd never admit it). I hug her and hold her and cry. It was only a few minutes that I couldn't find her, and it was horrible. I went from feeling panicked and worried to angry to relieved. Her response was not, "sorry mom. I won't do it again." Her response was, "I was just out front mom. I wasn't lost or dead or anything. You should have looked out front for me." "I wasn't lost. I could hear you the whole time."
She has a hard time taking responsibility for things and she won't say sorry. She often invites complete strangers over to our house. I was trying to give her the "stranger danger" talk. She just says, "well, if someone tries to take me, I will just fight them off." " I'm fine mom, I can just take care of myself and fight the bad guys because I'm really strong."
So after this whole episode, she was mad at me because I was yelling and I scared her and I didn't look in the right place. It's always someone else's fault and she is always making excuses for her behavior. Like when she pushes her brother, "well, he was in my way." Just one of the many things we need to work on with this strong willed child! (And back-talking! Every time I try to reprimand her, she tries to reprimand me right back!)

On the way to the zoo one morning I said to her, "Delcia, it's going to be really crowded at the zoo. There will be lots of people there, so you need to be a good listener and stay close to mommy". She responded, "well, you'll have to listen to me and stay close to me because I will be busy looking at the animals."